Now or Never
by Insaneshipper
Summary: Kurt and Rachel visit Ohio to watch the New Directions perform at Sectionals. Kurt and Blaine talk for the first time since the break up and Kurt learns that Blaine plays guitar. This turned out a little more angsty than anticipated. SPOILERS FOR SEASON 4.


Now or Never.

A/N So this is based on a couple of prompts I have seen. One on Klainepromptofthesday on tumblr that said 'Kurt finds out Blaine plays guitar' and another one that I saw that involved Blaine singing 'Here Without You' by 3 Doors Down (Which is the song in this fic.) Also lets say that this carries on from the break up, so stop reading now if you haven't seen that, because major spoiler! For the purpose of this fic Kurt and Rachel went to Ohio on thanksgiving to see the New Directions at sectionals and Blaine and Kurt haven't talked yet. Also lets say that Mercedes helped New Directions get ready for sectionals because I just love her. I hope you guys like it and reviews are always welcome! :D Oh and I own nothing, glee or the song nor am I affiliated with them in any way.

Kurt suddenly wasn't as sure as he had been of going home to Ohio to watch the New Directions go to sectionals. Although he had been the one who had convinced Rachel they should go home for the event, his stomach was churning at the thought of seeing Blaine as the car got closer to Lima. What a stupid idea it had been. Why did he think that he was ready to see him? He was nowhere near ready. He wasn't even sure if he was mad anymore. He just felt numb whenever he thought of what Blaine had done, betrayal and hurt bubbled at the surface but no anger. His heart felt as though it had been ripped in two and he didn't think he could ever forgive Blaine for that. The one person he trusted with his heart, the person that he thought would protect him and never hurt him was the one person who had hurt him more than anyone else ever could. He wiped a stray tear off of his cheek and turned the music coming from the stereo up to drown out his thoughts. Beside him Rachel made no protest, probably thinking similar thoughts about Finn. He couldn't even remember the brilliant arguments he had come up with as reasons to come to Lima for sectionals. He now wished this was one argument that Rachel had won.

When they finally arrived at Lima Kurt drove Rachel straight over to her Dad's house before he went home. They were going to meet up tomorrow before the competition but had both agreed to spend time with their families tonight.

When Kurt pulled up outside his house he had barely turned the key in the ignition before his Dad was flinging open the car door and dragging him out.

"Dad, calm down, this is a Marc Jacobs!"

His Dad laughed throatily "Sorry kiddo, I'm just so happy to see you!" Burt grinned at him.

Kurt couldn't help but grin back and pulled his dad into a tight hug, not even wincing at the thought of his jacket creasing. He sighed into his Dad's shoulder. _This_ is why he came home.

He let go of his Dad and pulled back a bit to embrace a slightly more placid Carol.

"Hiya honey, it's nice to have you home for a few days." She smiled up at him. He pecked her on the cheek in response.

He was released from Carol's grip only to be pulled into a rough bear hug from Finn who lifted him up in the air.

"Finn! Put me down!" Kurt laughed, flying his legs about.

Finn placed him back on the ground with a broad grin.

"Sorry dude, it's been a while, it's good to see you."

"It's good to see you too Finn." Kurt hadn't realised how much he missed his goofy step brother until now.

His Dad gripped his shoulders and steered him towards the house and into the kitchen, Carol leading the way and Finn trailing behind after grabbing Kurt's luggage. After an hour or so of catching up with everyone Kurt excused himself, grabbed his luggage and headed upstairs, promising his Dad he would be down soon so they could go over to breadstix for dinner. He freshened up a bit and changed his clothes before flopping onto his bed and staring intently at the patterns on the ceiling. He was dreading seeing Blaine tomorrow. He wasn't sure if he could face talking to him without breaking down in tears. He had finally managed to go a full week without crying himself to sleep and he just knew that seeing Blaine tomorrow was going to open up his already raw wounds. He could only hope that New Directions would win and that they would be so busy celebrating their victory Kurt could slip away without Blaine spotting him. No doubt Blaine would try and talk to him. Kurt hadn't returned any of his calls and had deleted all of his messages, without replying.

His Dad's voice calling his name startled him out of his morose thoughts and he clambered off of his bed, unaware he had been laying there for so long. He headed downstairs grabbing his coat on the way. His family were all waiting for him at the door and he gave them a sheepish look as they began to file out.

The meal passed quite pleasantly, filled with laughter and various stories filling each other in on things they had missed. When they returned home Kurt bid his Dad goodnight and immediately went to bed so that he had no time to dwell on what tomorrow would bring. Much to his surprise Kurt quickly slipped into a peaceful sleep and didn't wake until Finn came thundering into his room at 8:30 the next morning.

"Dude, time to wake up, you said you were going to meet Rachel in an hour."

Kurt groaned and pulled a pillow over his head which he promptly threw at Finn when he flicked the light on. Finn dodged the pillow and danced gracelessly out of Kurt's room laughing to himself all the way down the stairs.

Kurt forced himself out of his bed and stumbled blindly across the hall to the shower. When he was washed, dressed and his skin care routine was complete he bounced down stairs, humming to himself, and into the kitchen to find only Carol there. Spotting Kurt glancing around the kitchen, she answered his unspoken question.

"Burt's gone to the garage for an hour to get a head start on a car that has just come in and Finn has just headed over to the school to get the Glee Club ready for the competition today."

Right. The competition. Today. Kurt's good mood instantly vanished.

"Thanks Carol." Kurt said, swallowing the lump that had formed in his throat at the thought of seeing Blaine later.

"Have you got any plans this morning sweetie?" Carol questioned as she handed Kurt a cup of coffee.

"Thanks. I'm picking Rachel up at 9:30 and we're going to head over to the mall for a couple of hours with Mercedes to have some girl time before the competition. We haven't seen her in forever."

"That sounds nice Kurt, I hope you have fun." Carol said.

Kurt pushed his chair back and dropped his cup in the sink. Stopping only to plant a kiss on Carol's forehead he left the house and went to pick Rachel up.

"Hey Kurtie, you look upset, are you worried about seeing Blaine later?" Rachel called over to him as she bounded out of her house.

Great. Thanks for bringing that up Rach. "Firstly don't call me that. And secondly no I am not, I am simply terrified at the thought of what atrocious sweaters you're going to buy today." Kurt lied. In actual fact, ever since Rachel and Kurt moved to New York, her fashion sense had improved greatly. And she knew it.

Rachel threw him a knowing look as she got into the passenger seat but didn't say anymore on the subject which Kurt was extremely grateful for.

Unfortunately Rachel wasn't the only that was worried about Kurt when it came to Blaine. After the squeals and the hugs and the "You're looking great!" comments, Mercedes turned to Kurt.

"So what's happening with you and Blaine? How are you?"

"Look, can we just not talk about him today!? I just want to go shopping and spend some time with my girls. I'm fine, but I would be a lot better if you two just dropped the subject, okay?" Kurt replied, perhaps a bit too snappily.

Rachel and Mercedes both nodded and slipped into the rental car. Kurt took a deep breath, pasted on a smile and got in the driver's seat. Turning the engine on, Kurt pulled away and headed towards the mall.

2 and a half hours later Rachel, Kurt and Mercedes were all trying to stuff themselves into the car amongst the hundreds of bags they were burdened with. When they were eventually in the car and with great effort, all the doors shut, Mercedes happily announced "Time for sectionals!"

Kurt immediately stiffened, which did not go unnoticed by the two girls, and drove away from the mall toward their old high school. Kurt's stomach got tighter and tighter as they got closer to the school, and when they eventually came to a stop Kurt looked about ready to throw up.

"Kurt, are you okay? We don't have to go in you know, we can go home, or go and get some coffee." Rachel questioned him, looking very worried.

"No, no I have to do this. If I don't do it now I never will." Kurt took a deep breath, squared his shoulders, linked one arm into each of the girl's arms and strode purposefully into the school, heading straight to the auditorium without making any detours. Although he said he was ready, he wasn't going to risk bumping into Blaine before the competition. He would prolong that moment for as long as he could. Kurt sighed sadly. Only a few months ago he wanted to prolong the moments that would take Blaine away from him, and now he wanted to prolong the moments that would bring Blaine to him. At the auditorium door, Mercedes turned around to go to the choir room, where the New Directions were getting ready as she had helped them with their numbers. Kurt and Rachel headed to the middle of the auditorium where they found . After exchanged greetings and quick hugs they moved down the aisle and took their seats at the far end. Rachel looked at the programme that she had snagged on the way in.

"Looks like New Directions are last." Rachel told Kurt.

Kurt smiled shakily at her as he breathed a sigh of relief. More prolonging. Thank god.

The curtains on the stage were drawn back and the first group began to sing. They were okay, but Kurt knew that if New Directions were as good as they were a year ago, they would win this.

And then the Warblers came on.

"Woah." Muttered Rachel next to him. Kurt could only nod silently, mouth gaping, in agreement.

The Warblers were good. Really good. Kurt had never liked the song 'Whistle' but he had to admit, the way the Warblers sang it was amazing.

"Whoever that new kid is, he knows what he's doing." Rachel approved next to him.

Kurt bristled slightly, immediately defensive about Blaine, despite what Blaine had done to him. It was an instinct.

"Blaine knew what he was doing." Kurt threw at her.

"Well yes, but he never led the Warblers to victory against us did he?" Rachel threw back.

Kurt opened his mouth to argue, but closed it again, dropping the subject. Why was he defending Blaine anyway?

Rachel and Kurt both turned toward the stage again as Sebastian finished The Warbler version of 'Live While We're Young.' There was a short interval in which Kurt was too scared to move out of his seat to use the toilet in case he ran into Blaine.

The lights dimmed again after 5 minutes and everyone settled down as the curtains began to open. Sam jumped onto the stage and began flinging himself around as the opening beats to 'Gangnam Style' began.

"Oh no."

"They can't be!"

Kurt and Rachel both exclaimed at the same time, trying to stifle their horrified giggles behind their hands. This was ridiculous, even for New Directions.

But then the light illuminated Blaine and Kurt wasn't laughing any more. He wasn't entirely sure how he was breathing anymore. Blaine began dancing around the stage with Tina whilst she sang and Kurt had the weirdest stab of jealousy, despite the fact that Blaine is gay and Tina is most definitely not a man. Blaine looked..well perfect, he always would to Kurt. But also, he looked..numb? Even from the distance Kurt was at he could see that Blaine's eyes were blank. Their usual sparkle had disappeared, his smile was forced and all of his prep-school boy energy had gone. He seemed to be going through the motions without even realising he was there. Just like Kurt had been ever since Blaine had sung that heart breaking version of 'Teenage Dream' in New York. Was Blaine just as lost, just as empty without him, as he was without Blaine? As horrible as it sounded and as bad as he felt about it afterwards he wished that Blaine did feel as miserable and hurt as him. Not because he felt he deserved it, but because it meant that he loved and missed Kurt as much as Kurt did him.

Rachel elbowed him in the ribs, yanking him sharply out of his reverie and pointed at one of the new girls in the glee club, the one that had been dubbed 'The New Rachel.'

"That girl looks ill, she doesn't seem to be okay." Rachel whispered furiously at him.

Now that Kurt ripped his gaze away from Blaine's absent face he could see that actually, yes the girl seemed to be wobbling quite a bit and looked as though she was ready to pass out.

Right on cue as the last notes of 'Gangnam style' rang out the girl collapsed heavily onto the floor earning shocked gasps from the entire crowd, the most dramatic and theatrical of course coming from right beside him.

Mr Shue and a large lady near the front immediately jumped up from their seats as everyone on stage rushed toward the small girl. One of the boys hoisted her from the floor bride style and marched her off stage, the rest of New Directions following him off stage.

"Maybe they can go on without her?" Kurt offered quietly into the silence.

A moment or so later the announcer walked onto the stage and announced that the New Directions were disqualified from the competition due to the fact that they could not complete both of their numbers, and that the Warblers had won.

"Or not." Rachel muttered, quite unhelpfully whilst the crowd went wild as the Warblers walked back onto the stage to collect their trophy. Kurt had to admit it, the Warblers had been good.

Kurt immediately felt guilty for thinking that. Poor Finn had worked so hard with the New Directions so that they could win sectionals, and Blaine must be so upset. If he had stayed at Dalton he would be taking the Warblers to regionals.

Rachel and Kurt were two of the last people out of the auditorium and they took a slow stroll toward the front doors. Much to Kurt's dismay and protest, they had planned to celebrate with the New Directions after their win, but they hadn't really planned for them to lose. But as they reached the front door, they heard a familiar voice call out.

"Rachel!" Finn yelled from down the hall "Can I talk to you for a sec?"

"Um..sure." Rachel replied looking pointedly at Kurt.

"I'm just going to head down this way then." Kurt flashed Finn a quick smile as he walked past him.

Kurt figured that Rachel would text him when she had finished talking to Finn, so he began strolling around the school. He walked past the now empty choir room and stood in the doorway smiling fondly at the room, remembering everything that had happened in there. All the fights, the songs, the laughs, the relationships. That room and everyone who had filled it had saved him. The songs and the people had given him hope, acceptance and somewhere to go in his darkest times. As Kurt turned away and flicked off the light he heard a faint noise coming from down the corridor.

He paused for a second and thought he could make out the sound of a guitar. He crept silently down the corridor, following the noise until he pinpointed the classroom that it was coming from. As he paused outside singing began to accompany the beautiful sound of the guitar, singing a song that he didn't recognise.

_A hundred days have made me older__  
__Since the last time that I saw your pretty face__  
__A thousand lies have made me colder__  
__And I don't think I can look at this the same__  
__But all the miles that separate__  
__Disappear now when I'm dreaming of your face_

Kurt's eyes widened at the same time that his mouth dropped open. He would know that beautiful, rich voice anywhere, he could pick it out in a crowd of 100 screaming voices. It was Blaine's voice. And it was full of _so much pain_. The song continued and Kurt's eyes began to water, the lyrics felt as though they were speaking to him directly.

_I'm here without you, baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you, baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you, baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight it's only you and me_

The miles just keep rollin'  
As the people leave their way to say hello  
I've heard this life is overrated  
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I'm here without you, baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you, baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you, baby  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight, girl, its only you and me

Everything I know, and anywhere I go  
It gets hard but it won't take away my love  
And when the last one falls  
When it's all said and done  
It gets hard but it wont take away my love

I'm here without you, baby  
But you're still on my lonely mind  
I think about you, baby  
And I dream about you all the time  
I'm here without you, _baby__  
But you're still with me in my dreams  
And tonight, girl, its only you and me_

The song draw to close and Kurt had to wipe away the tears that had escaped and rolled down his cheeks. His throat felt raw and his heart was open. He could hear the reflection of everything he was feeling in Blaine's voice as he sung the final notes. He took a deep breath and gripped the handle.

_Now or never._

When the door quietly swung open he immediately spotted Blaine crouched in the corner of the classroom, knees hugged to his chest, guitar cast aside, eyes scrunched shut, silent tears running down his already wet cheeks, apparently oblivious to Kurt's entrance.

"Surely you can't be that upset about losing?" Kurt said the first thing that flitted through his brain, his voice came out gravelly and broken and he winced at the sound.

Blaine's head whipped up so fast, Kurt was surprised he didn't get whiplash. His eyes widened as soon as he spotted Kurt.

"Kurt?" He whispered. Kurt winced again at how lost Blaine sounded.

"Yeah. It's me." No kidding Kurt, nice one.

"Wh..what are you..What are you doing here?"

"In Ohio, or in this classroom?"

"Both." Blaine shrugged lamely.

Kurt sighed and lowered himself to the floor leaving a distance between him and Blaine.

"I came back to Ohio for thanksgiving, and to support Finn for his first sectionals."

"And what are you doing in this classroom?" Blaine prompted quietly.

"I'm not sure." Kurt whispered looking down at his feet.

Blaine swallowed audibly, and finally brought his hand up to rub furiously at his cheeks. An awkward silence fell between them, something they had never had before.

"Kurt, I..I'm so sor.." Blaine began before Kurt cut him off.

"Blaine, don't. Please just stop. I've got all your texts, emails and voicemails. You've said sorry enough times. I'm just not sure I can forgive you."

Kurt looked up to see Blaine nodding weakly, fresh tears welling up and spilling over onto his cheeks as he pulled his legs even tighter into himself. As hurt as Kurt was about what Blaine had done to him, it killed him to see Blaine like that and his already shredded heart seemed to rip again at the sight of Blaine looking so broken in front of him. He couldn't comfort or reassure him though. He just couldn't. So instead he changed the subject.

"That song, what..?" Kurt began, but wasn't entirely sure what he wanted to ask. Luckily Blaine seemed to catch on and pulled himself together.

"Um.. it's called Here Without You. When I first heard it a few months ago, it..it reminded me of you" Blaine words seemed to catch in his throat. "The lyrics, they seemed to talk to me, so I started learning the chords to the acoustic version and I've been playing it ever since." Blaine continued trying, and failing to produce a smile.

"I never knew you played guitar." Kurt told him, slightly affronted that Blaine had never bothered to tell him.

"I didn't play it for a while, when I joined the Warblers, every song was acapella, and I didn't see the need to use it any more. I put it in a cupboard and left it there. But when you..you left for New York I pulled it back out of the cupboard and I began to play it again. The great thing about a guitar is that it's like riding a bike. Once you've learnt how to do it, you never forget it."

"It sounds beautiful with your voice." Kurt blurted without thinking. Both he and Blaine blushed and Kurt wanted to kick himself. He was in a classroom sitting with the boy who had ripped his heart out and stamped all over it and was complimenting him on his voice and guitar playing skills. He couldn't help it though, Blaine just did something to him. He always had and Kurt suspected he always would.

"I miss you." Blaine said into the silence.

Kurt waited a beat before replying.

"I miss you too."

"Kurt, I..I'm so." Blaine tried to apologise again only to be cut off by Kurt again.

"No Blaine. I said I don't want any more of your apologies. It won't make me forgive you. I..I need to know why. Explain to me why you did it. Please, because I..I just don't understand." Tears began to run down Kurt's face again.

"I'm so sorry Kurt. I know you don't want me to apologise." Blaine continued as he saw Kurt about to protest. "But you need to know how very sorry I am. I.. I don't have an excuse for what I did. Or a reason. No excuse or reason could ever be good enough. I just..I felt so lonely. You'd just gone to New York and I missed you so damn much. We hardly ever talked. And when we did, I felt like we weren't connecting and it just wasn't the same. I thought you were moving on with your life and…and there was no place for me in it. I couldn't find the place in your life that I fit. And that is one thing I always had with you. Ever since I met you, I could see my place. I knew exactly where I fit into your life and I knew that no one could ever move me from it. But it all went blurry and I couldn't find my place, so I began thinking that maybe, we weren't meant to be together after all. And then I met this guy and he just.. he acted as though I were special and I was so lonely so when he offered to take me back to his apartment, I said yes. It was the biggest mistake of my life Kurt. I am more sorry than I can ever say. If I could turn back time and take it back, I would, a million times over. I know that sounds cliché Kurt, but it's true. But the worst part was after, when I left I knew straight away that we were meant to be together and that you are my soul mate and that I would regret what I had just done for the rest of my life. Because I cannot imagine my life without you. And I love you Kurt. I love you so fucking much."

Kurt had sat quietly throughout Blaine's entire speech. He could tell from the way that Blaine had said it, and the way he seemed to deflate as each word came out of his mouth that he meant every word that he said. That Kurt didn't doubt. For the first time since Blaine had told him that he cheated on him, Kurt felt like smiling for real. So he did.

"I forgive you." Kurt whispered.

"What?" Blaine stuttered glancing up at Kurt.

"I forgive you. And I love you too." Kurt replied just as quietly.

More tears began to drip down Blaine's face, this time accompanied by a watery smile. His eyes seemed to regain some of their sparkle and his cheeks some colour at Kurt's admission.

"I'm not saying I'm ready to go back to how we were." Kurt hastened to add. "I don't think I can handle that right now. And I can't promise you anything. But I also don't think I can carry on any longer without you in my life. You said you couldn't see your place anymore in my life? Maybe right now your place could be my friend?"

"Thank you Kurt." Blaine smiled at him, seeing some light finally for the first time since he had gone home with Eli that night.

"Text me Blaine, and this time I will reply." Kurt smiled again, getting to his feet and helping Blaine to his. He couldn't resist hugging Blaine, not in that close proximity.

"I love you." Blaine muttered into his shoulder.

"I love you too Blaine." Kurt sighed as he released him. He turned and walked toward the door, Blaine's eyes following him all the way. Just before leaving Kurt turned back to Blaine.

"Oh, and Blaine? Don't ever shut your guitar away in a cupboard again." Kurt smiled to himself as he shut the classroom door behind him.


End file.
